17 Weeks and 1 Day!

I really expected at 14 weeks to have a magical transition to a state where nausea was not a part of my day. But alas, I'm 17 weeks and it is still present. I really could have so much more to complain about though. I have had so much on my mind this past week. Things that have reminded me of how blessed Ben and I are and things that have brought tears to my eyes on a few different occasions. Of course thinking about Lindsay and the upcoming surgery has instilled a feeling of solemnity in me that underlies whatever else I feel or experience. This is such a big surgery, and with something this big, the outcome is not certain. We can't spend too much time in that frame of mind though. Lindsay has a trying and very difficult road ahead of her. She is such a strong person, though, and someone who can handle it. I'm sure that this experience will bring her so much closer to the Savior as she experiences such physical pain and emotional strife. Letting go of so much of her independence for a time, being away from her children and not being able to hold little Sophie for two months, not being able to serve her ward, community, and friends Dad's health issues as well. Dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past weeks with colonoscopy issues and heart abnormalities. We went home to be with him and with the family this past weekend and is was so good to get to spend time together. I came down with the stomach flu Sunday night, so we were delayed coming back a day, but I felt really blessed that it was just the 24 hour flu and I was able to sleep for a good part of that. Amidst all of the trying things going on in the family, we were able to go in for our second appointment and hear the heart beat. It was such an incredible experience to hear that. Ben was on his way over from work, so I got to hear it twice. The first time he had it on my heartbeat and I thought, "that sounds like a huge baby," but he explained to me that it was my heartbeat, then moved it around to the baby's and got to hear yours. It was a truly awesome experience which made the whole pregnancy that much more real. We scheduled the ultrasound for March 4 and are so looking forward to finding out if will be wearing pink or blue.

The Test

Finding out that I was pregnant with you was such an exciting experience. When your dad and I were on our Park City honeymoon, we were talking one night in the hotel about when we wanted to begin having kids. I said I thought that I would like to start trying in a year or so and maybe even wait longer. Ben got sort of quiet and when I asked him about it, he said, "When you told me a year before, I thought that you meant we would have the baby in a year." Given our differences in ideas of timing, he was always so good to let me know that he thought that it was most important that I felt right about the timing because of the life alteration it is for the mother. So, waiting a year to start trying to get pregnant was the tentative plan. Three months later that plan went out the window when I just started feeling like I wanted to be a mom! I never really felt baby hungry, but it was more of a desire to enter into motherhood. That desire grew stronger and I shared my feelings with Ben. We decided to go off birth control and try to get pregnant. During that time I had taken one pregnancy test which was negative. I took another one, about one and a half weeks later and again it was negative. I felt sort of sad when the second one was negative, but I set it down and got into the shower (doing all of this very quietly). When I got out of the shower, there was a very faint second line (indicating positive). I felt so happy inside, but didn't want to put too much weight in that because the line was barely visible. The next morning I took another test. This time the line was still faint, but it was more bold than the initial test. That whole day teaching, I was thinking about it and wanting to know if I really was pregnant; I couldn't wait! On my way home from school, I stopped by Target to pick up two important items: a different type of pregnancy test and a cheap white shirt. The use of the latter was dependent upon the outcome of the initial item. After spending about 15 minutes in the women's clothing department and another 20 in the home pregnancy test isle, I made my purchases and was on my way...straight to the bathroom. I took the third pregnancy test in the Target bathroom because the additional 20 minute drive home was just too much. It came out a clear positive. I was thrilled. I drove home with my treasures in hand and when I got there, searched the house for a permanent marker. I wrote the word "BABY" on the shirt, with an arrow pointing to my stomach. I felt so nervous and excited to tell Ben, I was jittery and almost visibly shaking. I had put a zip up jacket over the shirt and we sat down to dinner. Once we started eating, I could feel a smile creeping onto my face that I knew I wouldn't be able to conceal for long. I told Ben that I was so hot and took of the jacket, carefully observing his face. I had a huge grin on mine and he looked at me trying to figure out what was going on. I leaned back to stretch out the shirt so that he could see it had been written on. He saw it, but didn't really get it (you can ask him about that sometime). My eyes started to well up and and got up to hug him. Then he got up too and he said, "Wait, what does it say?" I said, "I'm pregnant!" He responded with a look of shock and the words, "Are you serious?!" about three times. Then he broke into a look of joy and excitement, while I smiled through the tears spilling out of my eyes.